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| Name | Charisma and Intimacy: Presence, Power and Warmth |
| Video Uploader | Video From TheIntimacyDojo |
| Upload Date | This Video Uploaded At 04-11-2014 19:54:37 |
| Video Discription | Do you ever wish you had more charisma? Join Cathy Vartuli from http://www.TheIntimacyDojo.com as she shares tips and concepts. Do you ever wish you had more charisma? I used to think that charisma was something that a few special people that were usually very handsome or pretty were naturally born with. Lately, I've been studying charisma because I want to get my message out in the world and I want to connect with more people. I was really surprised to find that there's just a few components to charisma and that any of us can master them. I've done a lot of studying, but one of my favorite books is The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane. Really lovely book and the ways she explains it is very powerful. She says one of the first things you need to have is presence. If you have presence with people, right away, you're a lot more engaging. I get that, because when I was stuck in the shame and the fear from abuse, I wasn't present. I was way up in my head and I was trying to pretend constantly. I wasn't really paying attention to you. I was paying attention to what I wanted you to think and how I might manipulate you to get that. I was also wondering what you wanted, so that you wouldn't leave. I was trying to guess all the time and be that. I was never just present with the person in front of me…just as I am, just as they are. That takes a little bit of practice but it’s really amazing technique. When you can start being with someone for a little bit, you can start transforming how you feel about yourself. I know that I used to be really bored with some people because I was so in my head that I couldn't ever see how amazing they were. Once I started getting more present with them and just giving them space to talk without listening to all the voices in my head about how I had to behave, all the mind chatter about "I should do this, I shouldn't do that, Oh my God, she flinched, does that mean ... " Make up stories about it, "Oh, he frowned. Does that mean he hates me?" I had a lot more energy to engage with people. I wasn't exhausted at the end of a conversation, I actually felt nurtured and filled up. I started forming friendships on a much deeper level, more real level. As you start being more present, that's a really great way to create true intimacy whether you want charisma or not. The next thing she talks about is warmth. You have to be warm and caring. We’ve all had people that are present with us but they're cold or distant. That doesn't feel good. If you can … let some of the warmth and caring you have, out. I know for myself, I’d try to hide it for a long time. I thought if showed people I liked them that they’d pull away or run away. For those of you who have that belief, it may take a little bit of effort to start showing them a little bit. But most people, want to be seen and heard and most people want to be cared about, especially if we’re not clingy or trying to manipulate. If you can start letting some of the warmth out, that's a great way to start building more deep caring connection. The last thing she talks about is having power and letting your power show. People that are shy are usually really good at hiding how powerful they are. They're great at pretending they don't have anything to say or they don't have strong beliefs because that kept them safe from their own little. But that means they're not as interesting because they are not really sharing who they are. If you have that issue going on, starting to let a little bit of power out and expressing you opinions a little bit more, being willing to risk some of the rejection you fear. It's scary. Stepping out of your comfort zone a little bit at a time can totally transform how you engage with other people and how they see you. If you want charisma or you want intimacy, those are some of the same things you'll need. People want to connect with someone who's actually there with them, not stuck in their own head with all their rules and beliefs and fears. They want to connect with someone who's warm and caring. And they want to connect with someone who's pretty powerful. It's more fun to play with powerful people. You don’t have to be powerful as an extrovert or dominating people, but as an engaged person who's in control of themselves and powerful and willing to take responsibility and willing to take action in their realm. I'd like to hear what you think about this. Do you want more charisma, more intimacy or both? Does this resonate with you? What block’s stand in your way for having more charisma or more intimacy? Please leave a comment below or feel free to drop me an e-mail at support@theintimacydojo.com. Thanks very much. Good night! [C0mV7_Vz0Bg] |
| Category | People & Blogs |
| Tags | The Intimacy Dojo | Cathy Vartuli | TheIntimacyDojo.com | Charisma | Power | Presence | Warmth | Intimacy |
